When Emily graduated college, I turned to Pappy - right there in the US Bank Arena - and told him I wanted "this", MY degree. That was May. 2006. By August, I was sitting in Medieval Philosophy (don't ask), surrounded by a bunch of 18 year old students. That was the beginning of a crazy-assed journey. I had a pretty good job making decent money, working days - 40 hours a week. I was able to attend evening and Saturday classes for my first two years, sustaining a respectable GPA while maintaining a full course-load. I would get up at 2:30am, do my homework, get ready for work, go to classes then home to bed at 10:00pm. It was really insane. Mara and Emily stayed with my parents since I was hardly ever home.
Then came time for my Art Studios. Most of these professors are (were) tenured so the majority of the classes are held during the day. I tried to compromise with my employer at the time, but they were having none of it. (Thanks, Jerry. That was 9 years of company loyalty flushed down the drain.) Well, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, right? So, I left there and took another position making 3 (THREE!!) dollars less an hour, but it was 3rd shift, where I could attend my classes and still work 40 hours. My sleep schedule was all turned around, I was still only getting about 4 hours a day - and usually not all at one time. My perseverance paid off (finally). I graduated in May, 2011, with my BFA in Fine Arts with an emphasis in Photography. I tried to graduate with two degrees - Photo and Art History - but I was told no, they are in the same discipline. I had to graduate and come back to take any remaining classes for the BA in Art History.
Holy Crap.
What a pain in the rear this second degree has been. I will FINALLY be graduating this December. O.M.G. I'm so ready for this to be finished. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being at school. Being surrounded by so many intelligent, talented people is a real catalyst to my own performance as an "artist".
All I wish for now is a career in which I can utilize my full potential. I know what I am capable of - now. I also know my limitations. My personal bar is set so high that I will never reach my lofty expectations. I have goals, but if they are within easy reach, where is the challenge? If I can at least get close, I could perhaps be content.
And this brings me to where I am today. Time to dip my tootsies into the water. Put out a few feelers. See if I can at least get a few inquiries. I sent out 3 resumes so far (piddly, I know). One of those positions would have me and my family set for life. Man, I don't want to jinx it, but given my track record (and previous outlook on my life) I'll be lucky to get a return email. I need to think positive. (Any help here would be greatly appreciated - please.) So, I'm sitting here, trying to be virtuous - you know, patience is a virtue and all that (yada, yada, yada). See me with my feet up? Looking nonchalant? Smoke and mirrors....
I keep thinking of a quote from my favorite movie of all time - Gladiator. Commodus is speaking to his father, Marcus Aurelius...
You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list, I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father. Ambition. That can be a virtue when it drives us to excel. Resourcefulness, courage, perhaps not on the battlefield, but... there are many forms of courage. Devotion, to my family and to you. But none of my virtues were on your list.
I always feel like this. Is that a bad thing? At least I'm trying. I have almost killed "me" trying to better myself these past 7 years. And, if you know me, you know that I do not nor will I ever feel I am "entitled" to anything whatsoever in life. I worked my butt of to get to this point. Hopefully, I will be able to accomplish something in this life.
Keep your fingers crossed....please?
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