"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" ~Sheryl Sandberg

Holy. Crap.

Just saw that above quote.  I think I may make this my new mantra.  Just think of the possibilities.

Grab life by the balls and go....just go. 

I am a little terrified (okay...maybe a lot) of being 51 and just now looking to begin a career.  A REAL career...something I will enjoy, something at which I will excel...not a Security Officer for the rest of my life.  Oh, I know I was late to the table, but I shouldn't be penalized for putting my girls first and then deciding to make something of myself.  I was 43 when I started college, older than my classmates and older than most of my professors.  I went in there thinking I was "the shit". 

Oh my...reality sure slapped me up against the head...quickly.  But, I prevailed.  I have the college diploma I secretly coveted for 30 years.  (I'm one class away from that elusive 2nd one, too.)  Now, it seems I have hit a roadblock.  I want to find a position in a museum or gallery setting.  Problem is, you need at least 2 years experience...but to get that experience you need to find a job to earn those 2 years. 

Dog Eat Dog - Catch 22.

If I wasn't actually so afraid, I would get in my car and just go.  Drive aimlessly until I ended up somewhere - anywhere.  No responsibilities, no one to which I need to report.  How cool would that be?  But, honestly, nearly impossible for me to achieve.  I am way too ingrained in my sense of responsibility.  Wouldn't it be awesome to take 3 months off from life?  See the country?  Take photos of places I have only read about in books?  Network?

Alas, I am a chicken, a coward, hiding behind the "what ifs".  I was recently knocked down a peg or two.  Took a (not so) small hit in my pocket-book.  I have that excuse to hide behind now.

Justification.

This is what I genuinely need - crave.  I want to be "somebody".  Have a real purpose.  I don't want to die not knowing my full potential.  I think this may be the biggest reason I hated graduating college.  At school you have hope, friends and professors rallying around you, shoring up your resolve.  The real world?  Not so much.

So, maybe I need to practice not being afraid.  Just go for it.